DONE

I finished my last treatments three weeks ago.

"I'm feeling more like myself."

"I am doing okay."

These are a few of the things I've been telling people these days.

In truth, I'm not sure what normal feels like or if I will ever feel it again. I can't do the things I could a year ago. Physically, I'm drained. My body bears scars of my ordeal. An ordeal some days, a journey on others. Depends on how I feel.

I feel angry a lot. And scared.

Now that treatment is done and there is nothing actively being done to keep cancer away I feel scared. Uncertain.

What do I do now?

Is there a magic diet I should follow?

What did I do wrong in the first place that gave me the dreaded cancer?

Everyone has opinions. And I don't even hardly know what mine is anymore.

I'm so tired.

I met so many amazing people. Some are still actively undergoing treatment. Some are recently done. Some have been in remission for a few years. Others for many years. But the fear remains, I think, for all of us.

I thought when I was done I would be done. So happy. So free. But every time I look at myself naked in a mirror all I see is the burns and the scars. Permanent reminders of the scariest most uncertain time of my life.

But I'm still standing. I go on.

You, who also have been through this, understand, right? I'm not alone in this.