Nostalgic

I was just looking out the window watching my daughters. My littlest one is 2 today. It seems like just yesterday I was in the operating room, so scared and I could hardly wait to meet her. Helpless and depending on me for everything. Babies are such miracles.
Now she's 2 and independent. She knows her mind. She starting to hold her own against her older sister.
Yesterday we had our first rain of spring that didn't turn into snow. I was in bed early, like at 9:00. The sky was overcast and I could hear the rain tapping on something outside. It reminded me of when I was a kid and my dad would put upside down buckets outside our windows and encourage us to leave our windows open so we could hear the music of the rain. I love that sound. I would've left the window open too but it was a little on the chilly side. It's still a little cold this morning, which is why instead of rain it is snowing lightly. Oh well, at this point we need the moisture however we can get it.
My dad was over trying to work in the garden yesterday. It was so powdery when he was trying to rototill that we had to turn the sprinkler on for a while. My dd#1 was in her glory helping Grandpa. He put too many leaves on it last year and discovered this when he got them all spread around. So she helped him get some of them off. I'm glad my parents live so close. I want my children to have memories of them.
My paternal grandfather died a year before I was born so I obviously have no memories of him but his resemblance to my dad makes me wonder how much my dad is like him. My maternal grandfather died when I was 5 or 6 so I have a few memories. More feelings than actual memories. I just remember I loved him so much that when I was little I sat in my room for a long time crying and asking God to bring him back. I still miss him and wish I could remember more. My paternal grandmother died when I was 9 so if I think hard I can remember specific memories. Her house always smelled like baking unless she was going out and then it smelled like burned hair. So I have made it to 30 and I still have my maternal grandmother. I do have good memories of her from when I was little but once my uncle had kids it was like the rest of us really didn't matter. I also realize she felt bad because the Christmas after my one cousin was killed when he was 10 she actually got every grand kid a present. Just small but that was OK.
Which brings me to my dh's grandparents. They treated me like one of their own. His maternal grandfather died before we got married and I only met him once. He was in a home and had Alzheimer's. Dh's paternal grandmother was a sweetie but she smoked like a chimney and ended up with cancer after we got married. My hubby cried so much when we spread her ashes. It was at sunset and it was beautiful out. His dad climbed to the top of an old house on their ranch (the house his parents lived in when they were first married I think) and let the ashes fly in the breeze. I imagine she was there watching us. Dh's paternal grandfather died after a branding so he'd seen the whole family that day. He'd gone home, had a piece of pie and died in his bed that night. We got the call and later that day I miscarried my first pregnancy. Rough week.
Now for dh's maternal grandmother, she's still with us and always remembers to send birthday cards. She's the grandmother I always wanted mine to be. She is very special to me. But recently they discovered she has a tumor, she's on the priority list because she is also bleeding and has had to have blood transfusions. They are going to do radiation this time. They didn't when she had cervical cancer in 2007. They thought they got it all with the hysterectomy, I guess. She is also suffering from a bladder infection and something has happened to her knee recently so she can't walk. I know things must be serious because my hubby's aunt has flown up from Ontario. It makes me just heart sick. I'm not ready to not have her here. I don't want to have to explain to my 4 year old what is going on. So I'm going to pray, even though I'm not particularly religious, that we have more time with her.

A scare

I got a call from my mom this morning. She has to go back to Red Deer . My hubby and I took her up on Monday in that sh*tty weather. She had a mammogram and this morning they told her to come back up. They'd found something. They originally made the appointment for Friday but she called back and changed it to today. If you know my mother she would have made herself absolutely sick by the time Friday rolled around. She can't handle things like that. She needs to know what's going on. She has to have a biopsy. But the odds are good (85%) that this is nothing other than some calcification (?). Anyways, it's still scary. I want both my parent's to be around for a while. I want my children to know all their grandparents. I lost my paternal grandfather a year before I was even born, my maternal grandfather when I was about 6, and my paternal grandmother when I was 9. My last grandmother is still alive but man can she be a boot sometimes.
I took the girls to their Rhyme Time this morning and then we played at the Parent Link until about 2:30. My eldest is really coming out of her shell. She has always been afflicted by separation anxiety and nervousness around people. Similar to me. People make me nervous. So I'm really glad to see her making progress in this area. It is really debilitating to be scared to walk into a room of people if there isn't someone you know inside. I like familiar.
I'm going to try and get a wee bit of writing done tonight if possible. My hubby is watching TV in the bedroom and can't seem to keep the volume down. I'm trying not to be too bitchy because he is going away tomorrow and won't be back til Sunday. He is going sledding. Even though we are on the verge of being broke. He absolutely loves doing this and he didn't get to go out at all last year thanks to his ankle surgery and working all the time. I can't be the wife who bitches at him for going. He's a hard worker who deserves a break. We'll manage we always do.