what a week!

Yeah I think I kinda missed a week. Whoops. Kept meaning to catch up the next day and then the next. But somehow it just didn't happen.
My hubby went away to work again. That always sends me on the spin cycle for a day or better until I just get too busy and tired for it to bother me. Then the girls and I get into a routine and he comes home and sometimes messes it up. But it is worth it. My dd#1 is really getting where she misses him. She'll say she just doesn't care about anything but you know she's missing someone. The little one doesn't really seem to care one way or another. She just gets mad when you don't let her have the phone when he calls. She says "allo" then she just smiles and doesn't say anything else. She is only 17 months old so you know. She has taken to screaming lately, about everything. High pitched and at the top of her lungs. It is driving me absolutely nuts.
The weather is so crazy here. Last week my girls were wearing their sundresses and this week they are wearing toques. It might even snow this weekend. I am hoping not. I guess we made it to Oct better than the snow we got in August last year. But still if it didn't snow til Dec my feelings would not be hurt.
I finally joined a site for bulimics. I have been this way for so long I don't even remember when it started. All I know is I need to recover. It's getting to be hard hiding it from my girls. I've been hiding it for years but it is time to get it done with. So hopefully I can. No wrong attitude. I will accomplish what I am setting out to do. I just need to start taking a little me time. A moment to relax at the end of the day. So I'm going to go do that right now. A bath, a book and a cup of tea. Then hope to heavens that the girls sleep through the night. Good night!

Yes, I did miss my Wed blogging but with good reason. The hubby has been working away since Sat and the job hit a snag so he came home Tues night. He decided to use his first day off in 3 weeks going to the city. Not what I would have chose but to each his own. We had to take the girls because my parents were packing getting ready for a week long vacation. I really, really missed my day off.
I'd all ready been to the city on Monday. I took my suburban which held everybody, my mom, sister and brother plus the girls. The girls were not on their best behavior. They spent a lot of time crying in stores probably why my siblings made themselves scarce, often.
The youngest had a good reason for being grumpy. Sunday she burnt her finger on the lawn mower muffler. I was filling it with gas and couldn't even grab her and before I knew it she touched it. So she has a burn the length of her pointer finger and one in the tip of her middle finger. Even though I know it wasn't my fault and that things happen it still makes you feel awful.
Anyways, we spent Wed in the city as well. Yeah. The hubby needed a new cell phone and also a new carrier as he has been getting a lot of dropped calls. Not great for work. So $350 later he was set up. Yikes! Thank goodness he's been working a lot lately. We got home about 4 then he had to go get the gravel truck for hauling contaminant out of a plant. He'll probably do that the rest of the week.
My poor baby. I really dropped the ball this week. I don't know where my head is. She's been waking in the middle of the night again. I thought it was a faze so I most of the time just let her cry for a few minutes (no more than 5 or 10) and she goes back to sleep. But I was changing her diaper and she was fussing and I got a glimpse of a molar poking through. I should've guessed but I didn't. Feel stupid much? Oh yeah.
I was in my shed the other day. I heard a soft shushing noise and went looking for it. It you can believe it it was a butterfly with a ripped wing. Just raising and lowering its wings trying to escape. If I'd been braver I would've put it out of its misery. But I didn't. I took it out to the garden so it could die somewhere nice instead of the dark shed. Lame, I know. My hubby would just laugh if he read this.
I also discovered a mouse in the house Sunday. Yuck. I came down the hall and there it was scurrying under the dishwasher. So Tues I finally got around to cleaning. I pulled out the stove and cleaned under it. Since the dishwasher is right next to it there is an open space so I put down mouse poison. It's where I know my girls are definitely not going to get into it. The hubby put down traps when he got home. But that mouse keeps eating the peanut butter off of them. I just want it gone. I hate killing creatures but if something comes into my house and is making a mess and crapping all over things it's got to go. Sorry.
That I guess brings me to today. I was planning on spending the day just getting caught up on housework and paying bills etc. Instead I get a call from my mom. They were almost ready to leave and they got a call from neighbors to the east. The cows were on there land. So I took the girls and dropped them off for Mom to watch. Dad and I went over and chased cows in and then proceeded to spend the next 2 1/2 hours fixing fence. These cows of ours have absolutely no respect for fences. I'll be so glad when we can truck them east back to the in laws. I'm not a cow person. I hate seeing them so cute knowing that they're heading to the slaughterhouse someday. I do eat beef but I have trouble looking them in the eye. So I try to avoid them as much as possible. My hubby isn't really a cow person either but we got them given to us so how do you say, "no thanks." In the fall when we sell the money is a big relief because work is usually so slow in the winter.
So I think I'm done. The youngest is having a nap and the oldest is watching Diego. I think I need to sit with a book and a cup of tea.

Busy Busy

Today I'm definitely not getting in as much writing as I would like.
First, I took the girls over to Moms and by the time I walked home again it was about 10:30.
Then, I had to hang out the laundry and clean bathrooms. Stuff has been building up lately so I did some windows, vacuumed and mopped.
I'm also making homemade chicken noodle soup since we had roast chicken for supper last night I'm making it from scratch. Must be feeling ambitious.
I was down another pound this week so that's 19.5 down and 2 to go. Whoo hoo!
I'm reading, Paulo Coelho's The Devil and Miss Prym. I am really getting a lot out of his books lately.
I feel like I'm floating aimlessly when it comes to spiritual matters. After years and years of going to church, I just don't feel that is the best place for me. I've opened my mind to many different possibilities as my parents have. I just want to feel inner peace and contentment.
I had so many ideas for this blog this week. I'll have to start jotting ideas down during the week since my memory is not what it used to be.

Another Wed.

Today is the day I really look forward to. My mom takes my girls and I'm able to do whatever I want. I can write, watch movies, clean house (haha just kidding), work on art or scrapbook or lay in bed and read all day. It my time to regain a bit of myself.
I'm trying to get in the habit of doing this blog on Wednesdays. That way I don't have any distractions. No trying to type with kids hanging off of my legs and screaming. I love my girls but the screaming is really getting to me. The littlest one is coming into her personality and the older one is having a hard time with this. She can't understand why dd#2 screams when she takes something away.
I've been doing something about my weight lately. I'm down 18 pounds with only another 3-5 to go. It actually came off relatively easy once I set my mind to it. It's just good to be back in my clothes and be back in general. No spare tire around the middle. Yeah!
Now I'm trying to decide on writing goals for this week. I've been giving a lot of thought to writing fillers and articles for magazines. I'm kind of sorry I didn't pay more attention to the non fiction side of things with some of the courses I did. I went in focused on fiction and did well with that but I think that non fiction might be what I need to be doing. I know it's awful but I need to make a bit of money to help out. For what I'm qualified for that would mean a minimum wage job, which would be fine. I've done it before. Except now I have two children who need to be looked after and that costs money. So I'd probably be working just to pay for child care. So not a big help.
My hubby is always after me to finish my book. Yes, but to what end. Just because I finish it doesn't mean it will ever be published. I know, there's that bad attitude coming out again. But I feel like I'm just being realistic. And if I do finish it and sell it, it's not going to help us now.
But I guess I should quit lamenting and go get something useful accomplished.
It's my day.

Starting Again...

I know it has been two months at least since I wrote in here. I'm not going to make excuses (well not too many). Summer always seems to be the time when we take a break and let things slide. My writing has been one of the things hardest hit. I had been trying to get my book finished by July 31 but alas, it is still only on chapter 8 or 9.
I am working on a new endeavor, though, writing non-fiction. It was always one of the things I passed up in my courses. I always wanted to further my fiction story writing. Now I wished I'd paid a little more attention to the non-fiction side of things. I need to find a job. My hubby is not sure how work is going to hold up this winter with the oilfield. He's been taking everything and anything, often working away from home.
I'm so thankful for him but I am feeling supremely guilty that I'm not contributing to our household financially. I know I keep the house, watch the girls etc. I know I'm not just a housewife and mother but still... Also, the only things I'm qualified for are minimum wage jobs, there is almost no point going. I can't expect free childcare and free gas.
So I am turning to my writing, the one thing that I have been taking classes and doing since I left high school. Now I just need to submit. Why does that always seem like the hardest step to take? My mind keeps telling me, "what do you know? Nobody's going to want that stuff." According to any instructor I've had I can do it. The last one told me, "it's time to take the training wheels off and go." Or something to that effect.
So today, finally, after much delaying and procrastinating, I'm going to find a place to send at least one short story and see if I can make some headway on writing some fillers.
Start small.

Writing?

Lately I've been having a hard time getting into the groove of writing. It seems the kids haven't been going to bed on time and I'm exhausted by the time I do I time to write. But it's more than that. I've been asking myself, why bother? Where am I going with this? What do I actually want out of my writing? Am I just making myself crazy trying to do this when they say only 1 in 1000 writers actually get published. But I ran across an article on Jenny Crusie's site http://www.jennycrusie.com/for-writers/essays/rats-with-islands-how-to-survive-your-publishing-career/#container. (bare with me I'm new to this adding a link). It was very enlightening. And I think tonight I'm going to go look for my island!

Books & Exercise

I think one of my favoritest things to do is read. I always have one or two (or three) on the go. Maybe I'll start blogging about them at least to keep track of how many I'm actually reading. So today will be the day to start.
#1 My current selection is Jennifer Crusie's Getting Rid of Bradley. It has been a cute and fun read. I like to switch up my genres.
I got a Wii fit last week and have been using it faithfully. Love it. It's been great for my posture and balance. Today I received my Wii active and I think it's going to be great. Maybe some motivation to get these last few baby pounds off. It brings out my competitive spirit.

Better late than never

Wow I can't believe it's been almost a month since I've posted. Bad bad. Anyways we got through the long weekend though part of me (at the time) was wishing I could've come home. My dd#2 was sick the entire weekend. She's almost 13 months and not walking yet so I either had to hold her or imprison her in the stroller where she slept her days away. She was pukey and it was also coming from the other end so I really didn't want to have her in the baby backpack. Poor thing. I couldn't believe I had to drag out this little washing machine I got from Regal last summer but it was a God send since dd#1 was cruising through all her clothes.
But all in all we had a good time. There was some other kids for dd#1 to play with and she had an absolute blast. Played from the time she got up until she went to bed. Everyone said she was really coming out of her shell. She would actually talk to people instead of growling at them, crossing her arms across her chest and making a real good pouty face. Pretty daunting I think if you didn't know us.
The only major downer was waking up to snow. I guess though long weekend in Alberta what do you expect? But most of us had to be drug out of our private camp ground with the tractor since we didn't want to rut stuff up and ruin our chances of being invited back.
On to other things. My writing has suffered a bit lately. I've been so bagged at night from the frequent waking ups lately. Oh I forgot to mention dd#1 had an awful night. I must of been up with her 5/6 times on Tues night cleaning up her and her bed. I finally had to resort to just laying down a clean bath towel on the wet spots. I had a mountain of laundry to do on Wed. her sheets, comforter. towels and pj's. I can't stand the smell of puke so I also had the Febreeze out to make sure I got the smell out of everything. Yuck!
Oh yes writing. See how easy it is to be distracted by one's children. Eek! Anyways I've been thinking about my book I just haven't done anything in probably a week. I've had a hard enough time keeping up with the journal I've kept since I was 15. Talk about commitment.
Anyways I gotta go and feed my family. And I'll try to be more consistent here. Adios

Just a day in the life of...

I can't believe it but my baby has just turned one year old. It happened in a blink of an eye. It is harder this time, I think, because I know that this is my last child.
I can't believe that it's been a month since I've posted. We finally got over to my sister-in-law's in Saskatchewan. She's been married for 11 years and this is the first time we've visited. Sad. But we couldn't get away. Really! We owned a tow truck company and my hubby only got two or three days a year off, branding weekend and Christmas day. So there was just no way. But we've been there now and done that and it was good. We also stopped at the hubby's youngest sister's place on the way out. Then on the way home we stopped at his parent's. I have great in-laws. Thank God!
This morning I've been doing watercolors with my 3 year old. She's going through a very girlie faze. She's wearing her tutu and painting.
We've been watching Riptide at night. I didn't really remember it. It's a show from the 80's similar to Magnum PI. I Love watching those old shows. We just finished Moonlighting. The first couple seasons were OK but I found I didn't enjoy them as much once we got further along. They lost something especially when Maddie Hayes got pregnant and went away and then married someone who wasn't David. Then the series finale was kind of a disappointing.
My girlfriend was in Thailand a couple months ago. She brought us all gifts though she didn't need to. But the gifts are beautiful. I got a purse, the hubby got a neat necklace, the 3-year old got a beautiful cotton outfit with elephants on it and the baby got a dress that matches the eldest's outfit. I'll have to do pictures in them 'cause they are so beautiful.
I love my little aspire one computer. It's one of the little ones. I made sure it was charged up the night before our drive when we went on our trip. I was able to work in the truck with it. I've got a goal to get my book In Tow Deep done by my birthday in July. I've got 23,000 words done.

Getting something done

I dropped my daughters off at my mom and dad's about 9. I came home and decided I couldn't write with the house being such a mess so I set my timer for 25 minutes and hustled around cleaning. It actually looks pretty good. So if you are one to lament over housework even 30 minutes can make a big difference.
I finished just in time to make the chat at Long Ridge Writer's Group. It was a really good forum today on description. You have to write the way you interact with the world. Drop the words 'noticed' and 'thought' from your work. You have to write what you are aware of in certain situations. Like if your POV were being chased by a killer you wouldn't write about them noticing the color of the wall or photos. You would be focused on finding an escape route or a weapon. The description of a scene has to match your POV's emotional state or level of concentration. You have to blend description and action.
I took a break for lunch and watched Ellen Degeneres and then rode the exercise bike while watching Steven and Chris. After a shower I hit (figuratively) the computer and wrote for a good two hours (I've gotten 2/3 of chapter 6 done) until the hubby surprised me by coming home early. But I'm pleased with the amount of work I did get done. I guess it was good he came home because I had some technical questions for him (towing). He's always really good about answering all my questions without making me feel stupid or silly.
I went and picked up my girls at 5:30. Nothing makes you feel better. They smile and are just so glad to see you. They just make everything better. But admittedly there are days when they make me want to pull my hair out. Especially now that the youngest is getting around and getting into everything. The oldest takes everything away claiming it's hers. I guess it's tough to go from having it all to having to share. A book I read likened it to if your hubby brought home a new wife and expected you to share everything. That makes it a little easier to understand.

Writing

Since the hubby has been away working I've actually been sitting down for an hour or more (once the girls are in bed) and writing. It feels good. I started chapter 6 last night. Whoo hoo! With any luck I can have this book written by my birthday in July. I mean that is over 4 months away so it should be a workable goal. I've been feeling that old demon on my shoulder saying why should I bother even trying. What's the point? But my point is that I need to have something like this in my life, even if I never make any real serious money or anything. I know that it's years down the road but when my girls leave home in 15 or so years I'm going to need something to fall back on or I'll most likely go mad. And truthfully I really like writing. I like sitting down and getting the words out and getting to know my characters. So here's to writing.

A scare

I got a call from my mom this morning. She has to go back to Red Deer . My hubby and I took her up on Monday in that sh*tty weather. She had a mammogram and this morning they told her to come back up. They'd found something. They originally made the appointment for Friday but she called back and changed it to today. If you know my mother she would have made herself absolutely sick by the time Friday rolled around. She can't handle things like that. She needs to know what's going on. She has to have a biopsy. But the odds are good (85%) that this is nothing other than some calcification (?). Anyways, it's still scary. I want both my parent's to be around for a while. I want my children to know all their grandparents. I lost my paternal grandfather a year before I was even born, my maternal grandfather when I was about 6, and my paternal grandmother when I was 9. My last grandmother is still alive but man can she be a boot sometimes.
I took the girls to their Rhyme Time this morning and then we played at the Parent Link until about 2:30. My eldest is really coming out of her shell. She has always been afflicted by separation anxiety and nervousness around people. Similar to me. People make me nervous. So I'm really glad to see her making progress in this area. It is really debilitating to be scared to walk into a room of people if there isn't someone you know inside. I like familiar.
I'm going to try and get a wee bit of writing done tonight if possible. My hubby is watching TV in the bedroom and can't seem to keep the volume down. I'm trying not to be too bitchy because he is going away tomorrow and won't be back til Sunday. He is going sledding. Even though we are on the verge of being broke. He absolutely loves doing this and he didn't get to go out at all last year thanks to his ankle surgery and working all the time. I can't be the wife who bitches at him for going. He's a hard worker who deserves a break. We'll manage we always do.

Surprise

Surprise! My hubby surprised me when I got home from picking up the girls last night. He drove 5 hours to come home from Medicine Hat. He'll be home all day today and then will probably head back to Vauxhall tomorrow. My eldest was so excited. She's a real daddy's girl. We were supposed to go to Rhyme Time today. But the hubby phoned from town and said we should really not bother. The roads are like a skating rink and he already came across one accident. He was probably thankful because 3 years ago he would have been the one out there in the cold and snow cleaning it up. Well I think I'm going to go find a baking project to do with the 3 year old.

Quiet

Well, I'm having a bit of break today. While I did have to go to town to do a few errands I now have the afternoon to relax. My mom phoned this morning and said she'd take my girls since her physio appt had been moved to Thurs. It always feels odd to be here at home without the boisterous energy of my 3 year old and the babbling of the 10 month old. It does feel good to be having a few moments of peace. Without the worry of waking someone or wondering how many more minutes I have to write or just sit. I actually feel as though I could sleep but it feels like such a waste because it's only a couple hours of me time. I think any mother out there can sympathize. It's definitely not that you don't love your babies it's just that in the process of having babies and taking care of them (because God knows that no one can take care of them like you) you sort of lose yourself. You don't take the time to do things that replenish your spirit and resources. It seems to be important judging by how bitchy I was yesterday. I hate that feeling. I hate snapping at my children but when you're on edge already you can only handle the question "why?" so many times.
I'm on my one hour left count down to picking up the girls so I'm going to get some writing done. I don't want to feel completely guilty.

Alone

Well, the hubby left for Medicine Hat this morning. He'll be gone for at least 2 weeks-I think. I'm not used to having him gone. Last year about this time he was working up at Calahoo near Edmonton and I never knew when he was coming home. Even when we had our 2nd daughter he was only home for a couple weeks. It was bad because I had my c-section to deal with so my mom was over a lot. But it is necessary that he go away to work because that is where the work is. It's supposed to be a very slow spring in the oil field so get work while the getting is good.
The girls are feeling better, mostly. The noses are still running but have slowed to a drip.
I'm trying to work on some writing while hubby is away. When he left at 6:30 I got up and wrote for an half an hour or so. Maybe I need to make this a habit so I can get my book finished.

When Will It End

My girls are sick...again or still. The runny noses are back and the coughs and the fevers. Arghh! Now I woke up this morning with another sore throat. My luck I'll be sick for Valentine's Day this weekend after going to all the work of finding a sitter. Oh well, I guess things could be a lot worse.
I watched some more Moonlighting last night. I'm on season 3 and the one I watched last night was hillarious. Even my hubby was laughing. I love old TV shows, Magnum PI, Remington Steel, A-Team etc.
My new "diet" is going good. I don't know if I've lost anything yet because we aren't supposed to step on the scale for 2 weeks and I'm only on day 5. I'm curious. And truthfully I'll be a little choked. If you only knew how much money I've spent over the years on diet books. But it'll be turning a new page and I'll get rid of the other books for good and concentrate on eating when I'm hungry, stopping when I'm full and eating consciously. It sounds so simple and it has been. Again it might have something to do with the cd I listen to every night. If this works I'm going to buy this book for my dad. He has lost weight recently but he always has to fight to keep it off. I've gone to my parent's house and there is my dad eating straight out of the fridge with the door wide open. He also can't seem to leave food on his plate. I'd love to see him free once and for all. so hopefully...

A new way to diet

It seems like I've been on a diet forever. My mom was a Weight Watcher's leader when I was a teenager. She lost something like 60 lb in 9 months. She since then gained it back, thanks to anti-depressants and the house fire 4 years ago. In July she went to Herbal Magic and has almost gotten to her goal, so a loss of over 50 lb.
I'm sick to death of weighing and measuring (food and myself) and of keeping food journals. But I fear gaining more weight. Not that I'm grossly huge or anything. I've got ten pounds to lose to be back where I was before I got pregnant with my second child. Now I'm up 5 lb down 5 lb. Up and down. Not to mention compulsive eating and sometimes purging. It's awful and it must stop.
I was watching Steven and Chris a couple weeks ago and they had Paul McKenna on who has written the book I can make you thin. This is my second day on it and so far so good. You get to eat whatever you want, there are no "bad" food lists, you don't weigh for like 2 weeks ( a scary prospect for me). It seems like an interesting way to do it. Amazingly you eat when you're hungry, you eat whatever you want, you eat consciously (no more eating with books and TV) and stop when you are full. Seriously. There is also a hypnosis cd you listen to every day for 2 weeks. I'm willing to try anything. So we'll see where I am in 2 weeks.
Keep your fingers crossed and wish me luck.

Old Friends

Well, we had our first meal with a half of a couple we used to spend a lot of time with. She was once my best friend and he, I've known all my life. The she of the relationship I haven't seen since last xmas (07) but we have kept in touch with him. He invited us to supper last night. We finally met his love interest and they've been together for quite a while now. It was harder than I thought it would be to be in that house and to see someone else in the kitchen. He had the kids and it was nice to see them because it's been a year or so since I've seen them too. I feel like I've missed so much with them. They've grown up so much. I remember holding both of them when they were babies. I missed them more than I thought. So I think right now I'm going through almost a grieving period. I have no really close friends at this point., except my mom and my hubby. I think I'm a bit scared to get close to anyone for fear I will lose them. I know I need to move on and find new friends but...
We are going to another friends place tonight. I go to a kid group with her and he's another sweetheart. They are good couple friends since my dh and both get along with them. But I feel as though I'm holding them at arm's length.

What a day

Well still chugging along. I can't believe it's Friday already. I managed to do the treadmill this morning but not the shower. So I feel like a complete grunge. I'm typing this with my 9 month old hanging off my hip. Hard on the back. I actually did some baking with my 3 yr old this morning, though I'm not quite sure why I picked today. She's still got that damn cold so every 2 minutes I was wiping her nose and then washing our handsanf trying to get her to sneeze into her elbow and not her hands or the bowl. Arg. Then while I was making lunch the baby woke up from her nap and the 3 year old went to entertain her and somhow managed to get her leg stuck in between the rungs in the crib. So, much crying and screaming some of it mine when I couldn't get her cree. I thought I was going to have to phone my dad to come help but I finally did it.
On the upside though I think I'm getting my command start installed in my suburban today. My dad is trying to get a fire started in our freezing cold shop so my sister's boyfriend won't freeze to death trying to get it installed. He must be bored while Sis is at work.
Well, better go feed the girls their lunch. Ellen will be on soon and Steven and Chris after that.

Getting things done

Another Monday with the whole week looming ahead. Will I actually get anything done this week? God, I hope so. I don't want to be sitting lounging in the same spot next year. Must move forward. Easier said than done.
I did manage 30 minutes on the treadmill. I could go longer but that's all the baby will stand being cooped up in the exersaucer. But if I can consistently be consistent than maybe I'll see some results.
I dug out my Writer's Market this morning. Maybe it will jog the writing juices. Give me some ideas where I can send some stuff.
I'm also working on my book pitch for a contest. Might as well what have I got to lose. Also, it may be just the thing I need to get my butt in gear and actually get this book done so I can work on one of the many other ideas floating around in my brain.

Here I go again. Something new to try and not mess up.
I must warn you there will probably not be any bitching or complaining in this first post but beware, depending on the day who knows what will rear its head here. We'll take it one day at a time. Hmmm, better scratch that. That's one of those phrases we all use way too much and I'm trying to get away from that, trying to improve my writing etc.
My only complaint -oops- is the running noses. I'm so tired of wiping snotty noses that don't want to be wiped. Eew! I'm paranoid of touching anything for fear their little fingers have been in their noses and then everywhere. Yes I am a mom but somedays it just gets to you.
Well, I think that's all I'm going to attempt for now but I'll be back tomorrow.